Excuse the Pun

Somewhere after your child’s second birthday, the realisation sets in that it’s high time your toddler starts learning manners. “Give milk. Now!” may be cute for a baby, but for a toddler the expectation rapidly changes to: “May I please have some milk, mommy”.
And so, you find yourself repeating endlessly: "Say please, please please! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
And especially: "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me."

I don't know if it's a South African or an Afrikaans habit, but we use the term "verskoon my" (excuse me) a lot and in various instances: When we sneeze. When we want to excuse ourselves from the table. When we want to catch someone's attention. When we accidentally interrupt someone. When we purposefully interrupt someone. When someone (accidentally or purposefully) interrupts us. When we want to ask a stranger a question. When we accidentally bump into someone (in the grocery store, not with a car.) When someone bumps into us (in the grocery store or with a car), although in the latter case it would become "ver-@#$%^%$#-skoon my!!", which is not (intentionally) taught to children.

Of course, literally bumping into someone in the grocery store was a privilege only for enjoyment in the glory days prior to the new normal "anderhalve meter sameleving" which we are now living. So really, these days we only use "verskoon my" in 46 cases, instead of 47.

Which explains why we, being South African / Afrikaans / parents, were particularly pedantic about teaching our toddler to say: "Excuse me".
"Verskoon my, verskoon my, verskoon my."

And then, of course, we arrived in the Netherlands. And Dutch is mos the sister-language to Afrikaans. So we will just gooi die taal lekker and learn as we go, and if we don't understand - no problem! We will just say "verskoon my, do you mind repeating your sentence?" ala Afri-Dutch, like the well-mannered people that we are.

Except that "verskoon my" suddenly has a whole new meaning on this continent. Verschoon mij literally means: Clean me. As in: I demand that you change my diaper!

Now if a grown-up, says: "Change my diaper, I am looking for the bus stop," you will get a weird look and be left with zero directions as the victim scrambles off. But you will be fine and eventually find the bus stop. You might have to re-evaluate your perception of the Dutch (and yourself, and your Dutch-speaking abilities), once you realise what you have demanded from a stranger. But life will go on.

But for a child, verschoon mij could be a very common thing to say. And it could therefore rapidly result in a catastrophe if not clarified or acted upon!
Say, for example, you are at the swimming pool for a family outing, your child sneezes and hollers: "Verskoon my!"
If your child is not immediately removed from the pool, these two simple, well-mannered and well-intended words could result in a swimming pool evacuation! Or worse - judgemental looks from other parents who speak proper Dutch and not Afri-Dutch.

And so, after months and months of teaching our toddler to say "verskoon my" for intended use in 47 or 46 scenarios (and him finally perfecting the art just as our plane touched down on Schipol airport), we agreed that it was just safer to replace "verskoon my" with the Dutch alternative: Sorry.
Which, when used in an Afrikaans sentence, really just seems like a linguistically incorrect word, lazily thrown in.

Therefore, sorry, if you will excuse me. I need to go and think about the 20 000 new words (languages!) we could have taught our toddler, while we were frantically repeating words which he can no longer use.

I also might need to tell my neighbour that I eventually found the bus stop.

Cycling Culture

The Netherlands must be the only country where your child's cycling abilities and habits are requested upon school and healthcare registration. And the questions don't simply stop at "can your child cycle?", but also whether said cycling is done a) on two wheels, or b) with side-wheels. Transportation options which include three or more wheels, fall under c) my child does not yet cycle (note the "yet"!).

There are also questions related to protective gear and whether this is worn when your child is cycling on their own bicycle or on their parents' bicycles (note the "when", not "if"). Though it is interesting to note that helmets follow the same rule as Covid-masks here: They are available and a safer option, but not mandatory and therefore rarely worn.

Luckily my husband immediately identified cycling as a crucial developmental area for our toddler upon our arrival in the Nederlands in March. Probably after seeing a three-year old wheelie past unsupervised on a bicycle with a) two wheels. Two months and a markplaats bicycle (which didn't even come with the option of side-wheels) later, we were ready for any cycling-related registration lists which we might encounter.

It is fascinating to watch children grow up on bicycles all around us: Newborns are introduced to the cycling culture by means of a bakfiets and are transferred to a baby seat in front of their parents' bicycles once they can sit up. Then, to the back of the bicycle, often while the front seat is occupied by baby #2 or #3.

It seems like children skip the customary South African plastic three-wheeled bikes and immediately start cycling on their own two-wheeled balance bikes just after the age of one. They then progress to pedal bicycles without side-wheels somewhere between the ages of three and four.

Primary school outings don't commence with a bus-ride, but rather a mass cycling expedition where the children cycle to the museum / park / event by themselves, accompanied by a few teachers and parents. Of course, most children also cycle to school, which they start at the age of four (thankfully, initially accompanied by a parent).

Most of this might seem quite overwhelming if you are not used to such an all-encompassing cycling culture and if your child cannot yet cycle a) on two wheels, but luckily the whole country is well-equipped to support this culture.

Here are a few cycling-related innovations which make it easy for us to cycle to 70% of our daily outings (we walk to the rest and I only use a car to drive to work):

• Cycling routes, which I have mentioned before, with traffic lights dedicated to cyclists:

• On steep paths or bridges, there are bicycle grooves in which you can push your bike to the flatter surface at the top or bottom:

• Bicycle parking facilities in front of shops and restaurants: 

• Double decker bicycle parking areas at stations or bicycle parks:

• Apartments and houses usually have a basement or storage area where tenants can park their bicycles. Bicycle parking is an essential part of an office or apartment design: 

Now, if only I could keep up with our toddler cycling a) on two wheels...